by Michelle
My first float was on my 23rd birthday. I had gone through some exciting but ultimately chaotic experiences leading up to the day and while I could have planned a day of more festivities, doings and goings on, I had a compelling desire for nothing more than stillness. To go nowhere and do nothing and recollect my notion of who I am when all external things are removed. I went in to the local float center with nothing but excitement as I knew I found the perfect place to spend some quality time "me time".
As I stepped into the float tank, I felt a rush of elation as my body floated right on top of the water, something I’d not experienced before. The moment that I closed the door, I laid back in absolute darkness and only a millisecond had passed before I jolted up, panicking mildly at the feeling of free floating through space and the sensation of being completely unaffected by gravity. I gathered myself (and what little I could feel of my senses) and breathed into it. Okay, so I feel like I’m floating through space. I am on a giant rock floating in space after all, aren’t I? Reaffirming my safety, I accepted my sensations, and found that simply observing was just the ticket—I imagined myself among the cosmos, mirrored a million times by the light of stars from ancient futures and distant pasts. As it turns out, this would be the vision I would return to again and again in each float for years to come.
With dozens of floats under my belt, I’d like to tell you I’m a real Zen master. I’d like to say I know the meaning of mindfulness and the essence of self, but to be completely honest, at this point I know quite a bit less now than I did many floats ago. As it turns out, you can float every day and still not know what’s going to happen when you lie back in the water and close the door. Some days (and maybe most days) all the stress of life and happenings seems to sneak inside the float tank with me. I know by now that the first 30 minutes of any float are usually spent processing and winding down. I can’t help but think about work, my relationships, my to-do list, and—wait did I remember to press send on that email from earlier? I try to remind myself to not force those thoughts away but rather observe them and let them pass naturally. I count my breaths from 1 to 10. One, two, three, four, five, six...
Eventually, like most things, the chaos slowly winds down and that easy, blissful feeling of vast nothingness washes over—much like that moment after a long and showy sunset when the last of the sun blinks down below the horizon. That’s the feeling we’re here for. When motion subsides to let stillness shine in seemingly endless luxury. I am always so grateful for the opportunity to be in that space—how often in life do we get a real moment of quiet, without feeling the need to compulsively check the phone or the time even needing to remember that time exists? It’s something deeper than (in my experience) what can be attained by meditating on the bedroom floor. It feels like the whole universe is contained right inside my head, flowing in and out, expanding and contracting as all my neurons fire with excitement and new understandings. This moment may last a second or a minute or a whole hour but what matters is that I felt it. I was there. And the next thought I always have is: how can I get it back?
Just like anything, floating is a practice.
You may not attain the art of Zen mastery the first time you float, and in fact you may never attain it at all. But for me, those fleeting glimpses of everlasting harmony with the oneness of all that was, is, and ever will be, is enough to keep me coming back to practice floating. Right now I’m working on setting intentions by drinking relaxing herbal teas, easing my body with stretches, breathing techniques, or just cozying up under a weighted blanket before my floats. And as I practice, I’m finding again and again that although each float is unique in its own way, my presence and awareness strengthens each time I step in the water, affording more and more opportunities for all my thoughts and worries to simply float away.
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